Are men supposed to be fighters? Lovers? Hunter-gatherers? Fashionistas? Business gurus? Culinary experts? You’re wrong if you think one man can’t be a jack and a master of all trades.

 

In this special audio edition of How to Be a Man, you’ll hear from the horsie’s mouth how to be a proper god amongst men. You’ll learn how to boss a job interview – remember, the eyes are the windows to the soul, which is why you should avoid eye contact at all costs. You don’t want them looking into your disgustingly dirty soul. I also share some chirpising tekkers, such as my new style, ‘7 down, 1 up,’ where you viciously insult the lady seven times and then give her one compliment. And you’ll learn the importance of practising #SelfLove, like a true millennial man – there are two things I know about real men, they have curves and they cry. But I’m not giving you any more details than that, mate – you’ll have to buy the book.

I actually managed to write only 13,000 words, so I’ve had to bulk the audio version up a bit with extra girthy content. You’re actually getting more for your money, mate! And the production quality is proper tonk, too – just ignore those voicemails. I didn’t mean to include those.

So sit back, relax, light a candle. Get naked if you want to. Get the baby oil out – I don’t judge – and let my silky, smooth tones caress your eardrums.

 

Listen here: